When I look to blue skies on days like today, I see you in just about everything. As that plane flies at its unfathomable speeds, I focus more on the vapor trail it leaves behind. There you are, unabashed like the plane’s preluding scar, scraping across the sky uncaring of what it leaves behind. It only focuses on tomorrow.
Then I look down, and see how everything is so small. The buildings seem small. The people seem miniscule. All my obligations, pressures, and issues appear unimportant. It’s the closest thing I can get to an inner solace. The world below propagates so much nonsense to the point where it takes life for granted. It’s despicable.
So I call you, Grandma, to remind myself of how gracious I need to be in these trying times. You sound sick. I can hear in your voice that you haven’t moved out of bed for the past few days. Don’t ask me how. I just know. As you say goodbye, with chills running down your spine, you frantically call after me like you’re literally getting sucked away into this spirit world of forgotten souls. The only thing keeping me from fearing this is that you’re like that plane – unabashed while focusing on tomorrow.
I know that you are not focused on tomorrow. You’re focusing on yesterday and what happened years before it. You’re focusing on the people you knew, the people you loved, the people who gave you memories, and the people who raised you wholeheartedly. Physically, you’re weak, but you probably don’t care about which pains you feel. You only care about these memories.
It’s amazing, though. Frail and weathered, you’re lying in bed. Your mind is what’s amazing. Stern, defiant, and stubborn you can’t let go of anything. In these moments, your pride will not be questioned. Your will cannot be tainted. It is there to be appreciated in its ever standing, toughened love.
Thinking about it now, the most beautiful thing I can even conceive seeing right now is fulfilling your dying wishes; in accommodation, you will be studied and examined by students who are eager to learn. And after science has improved from your eternal donation your remains will act as an art piece. Your ashes shall be picked up by the wind and twirled within the sky. The wind will have color as Starry Night is recreated. Transferred from one winding breathe of air to the next, you shall perform wonders and they shall be performed unabashed.
You are more beautiful than ever, Grandma. Say hi to everyone on the other side for me. I’ll miss you, and love you, and will always remember the great moments we shared together. May your transition into what comes after be easy and painless. May the last thing you feel be love.